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March 28, 2014

noahHello everyone and welcome to The D-Dan Reviews! So yesterday night I went out to see a movie called Noah. Yes, I know it comes out today but I wanted to review it earlier for you guys. Anyway for those of you who have never heard of this movie, Noah is about a man who is chosen by God to undertake a momentous task for survival before an apocalyptic flood destroys the world.

I was soooo ready for this movie when I saw the trailer. I wanted to see it in IMAX, I wanted to see it before anyone else, I was ready. Sure enough, I got all of my wishes except one: A GOOD MOVIE! I cannot believe that money was spent for IMAX tickets on this movie! It was a waste of money and time. Now here’s a little heads up: all my readers who have read the story of Noah, stay away from this movie, you will be upset. For those of you who aren’t religious, maybe you’ll enjoy it because, like with all movies, there are some good and then there are some bad.

Lets start out with the good because that won’t take long. The acting was on point and phenomenal; just great. The special effects were ok,  there were some points in the movie that I could clearly see it was green screen but I enjoyed them for the most part. I also enjoyed the fight scenes even though they never happened in the Bible. But by that point, I just pretended that I was watching another movie because they went so far astray from the Biblical account.

Now lets start with the problems. First problem, this biblical movie was done by an Atheist. Yeah just let that sink in for a bit. This little piece of information explains this whole movie. I really don’t know how to explain to you how bad this movie was without spoiling it. Those of you who don’t want to read the spoiler alert, please read past it.



Ok so Darren Aronofsky, did you read the same Bible I did, because there were definitely no fallen angels that turned into rocks called The Watchers. There was definitely not an army of men ready to take over the ark. There was definitely no confusion in Gods instructions on what to do. Matter of fact, God repeats himself over and over again in the Bible, while the movie makes it look like God just doesn’t speak at all! No evil king hid on the ark for 9 months and then tried to kill Noah in the Bible, yet somehow that made it into the script. The only sin Ham committed was looking at his father naked and not doing anything, which I’ll give props to the movie for including that, but they also made him sin so much that him committing that sin seemed minuscule. Lastly and most irritatingly, Noah was never a crazy Christian who tried to kill his granddaughters. This movie made Noah look really crazy, and it was just irritating. But I guess Mr. Darren Aronofsky can say he had “creative license” right?  Yeah, ok, NO!


Anyway to summarize the spoiler alert the movie didn’t follow the book at all except for maybe the fact that they managed to slide the actual Ark in there, and oh yeah, Noah was in it!

This is the first time I’ve done this but I’m gonna give this movie two seperate reviews. For the Christian community you’ll find this movie to be a horrible BOX OF DUDS (1 out of 5)! For the none Christian community you’ll most likely find this movie a FIREWORKS (3 out of 5)! The none Christian community will probably see the action and story and think it’s great, while also realizing this movie’s kind of boring. The Christian community will most likely look at the Bible and then look at the movie and trash the movie. Well guys its a great year for movie so there will be plenty more reviews, make sure that you head on over to YouTube and check out my video reviews, and I might do a video review for this movie! Follow me on Twitter and like me on Facebook guys! subscribe!! Until next time, this is The D-Dan Reviews!




6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 28, 2014 11:13 am

    Dan, you are hilarious as usual! And I like your “dual treatment” in this review. Thank you for pointing out the fact that given the film’s title, Bible enthusiasts will have preconceived notions about the film’s content. Now we know the real deal!

  2. Lisa permalink
    March 29, 2014 1:11 am

    Wasn’t planning to see it but now I DEFINITELY won’t. It’s always encouraging to have young defend Bible truth. Keep up the good work! Blessings!

  3. April 12, 2014 4:46 pm

    Hi Daniel! Thanks for the spoiler alerts. I was able to get the most information from you than anywhere else! Now I am glad I didn’t go to the theater! Keep up the good work!

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